In this video I share my thoughts about the Secret to Happiness and how you can use the the Happiness Equation to address the imbalance which may be causing unhappiness in your life.
The Happiness Equation
In a speech entitled Feeling Lost? How to Find Yourself Again, world-renowned motivational speaker Tony Robbins explains the Secret to Happiness in the form of a simple equation:
Happiness occurs when your life situation matches your blueprint.
Your life situation refers to your current circumstances: where you live, who you spend time with, what you do for work and so on.
And your blueprint is your model, the image in your mind, of you how you think life should look.
If these two don’t match, you are unhappy. And the larger the gap between them, the more unhappy you are.
If you are unhappy, then you have two choices: either change your life or change your blueprint.
Change your life? Or change your blueprint?
When I look back at the decisions I’ve made in the course of my life so far, I realise that I have changed my circumstances countless times. After the breakdown of my first (and only) long-term relationship at age 24, I have changed jobs every 2-4 years, moved house almost as often, have taken up new hobbies, joined new social groups… I have been on a constant search for something.
On reflection, it has been a quest to make my life situation match my blueprint. And for me, that meant searching for my “Mr Right”, a key player in the image in my head that represents my blueprint for life.
What is your blueprint?
Well, my blueprint for life says I should be married with two kids, living in a semi-detached or detached house, with a garden, a driveway and a garage. My husband & I both have steady jobs, a car each, take joint responsibility in raising the children and we enjoy spending time together as a family.
And throughout my whole life, while my circumstances kept changing, my blueprint has remained staunchly fixed. But is it really what I want?
What if my blueprint no longer works for me?
And the reality? I am single, without children, living in someone else’s house! And with my 40th birthday rapidly approaching, the prospect of having my own children is looking progressively more unlikely.
And so, looking forward, it suddenly dawned on me: I have no idea how my life should look from here on!
I have no idea what is expected of a single, 39-year-old woman who gave up her career, essentially because (as I realised when thinking about this) the lack of success in my personal life was largely responsible for the feeling that I had a void in me… a void that I have tried for years, and failed, to fill.
So what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? I expected to spend it raising two beautiful, intelligent, fun, loving children (a boy and a girl, haven’t quite decided what their names would have been yet…😄). I have no blueprint for anything else!
Writing your own destiny
I could allow myself to wallow in self-pity. To regret politely declining the various offers I have received over the years from men, because they didn’t match the picture in my head of Mr Right. To mourn the ‘lost years’ when bearing a child was possible. I could admit that people were right when they told me I was ‘too fussy’ in my choice of mate. I could wish that I had ‘settled’.
But I see it differently. Maybe I don’t have my blueprint life because it’s not what I truly wanted? Perhaps I turned down opportunities because I wasn’t willing to settle that didn’t feel right. Maybe my gut instinct has been trying to tell me something all along.
And so now I have a great opportunity: to re-write my blueprint.
I can let go of the blueprint that my upbringing, my family, friends, school or society has shaped for me. And instead replace it with one which will be truly, 100% my own. Which is truly aligned with who I am, and which is based on my dreams.
And once I have formed my new blueprint, in line with the Happiness equation, I will change my circumstances to match it.
That, ladies & gentlemen, is a truly exciting, liberating feeling!
So what do you think.. Does your life match your blueprint? If not, what would you like to change? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
You can listen to the speech from Tony Robbins that inspired this video here: Feeling Lost? How to Find Yourself Again.