A challenge we all struggle with daily is: “How do I get people – including myself – to do what I want?”

How Do You Respond To Expectations?

In this video I talk about the Four Tendencies, aka four personality types that categorise how we respond to the expectations we set for ourselves (e.g. new years resolutions, building daily habits), or that others set for us (deadlines, requests from family or friends).

Because knowing our own tendency helps us pick the strategies that best serve us in taking action to achieve our goals.
And by identifying other people’s tendencies, we are better able to interact – and influence – them.

What Is The “Four Tendencies Framework”?

The Four Tendencies Framework was created by Gretchen Rubin, five-time New York Times bestselling author, podcaster, and speaker. She specialises in exploring happiness and good habits.
She states that:
Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behaviour, so understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively.
The tendencies relate to how we respond to both internal and external expectations.
Internal expectations are goals we set for ourselves, such as a daily meditation practice, or a plan to lose weight.

External expectations are goals others give us, such as project deadlines, or a request from a friend.


What Are The Four Tendencies?

The four different tendencies she describes are:

👉 Upholder: “I do what others expect of me—and what I expect from myself.”
👉 Obliger: “I do what I have to do. I don’t want to let others down, but I may let myself down.”
👉 Questioner: “I do what I think is best, according to my judgment. If it doesn’t make sense, I won’t do it.”
👉 Rebel: “I do what I want, in my own way. If you try to make me do something—even if I try to make myself do something—I’m less likely to do it.”



The 4 Tendenices - Responses to expectations


Which One Am I?

Gretchen provides a free personality quiz, so you can find out which is your dominant tendency.

And with your results, she will tell you what strategies will work best for you, or for working with anyone else with that personality type.


How Does This Help Me Influence Others?

Understanding the Four Tendencies, and being able to identify them in someone else, helps you to understand what motivates them to get results – or on the other hand, what makes them switch off completely.

Here are some examples of Do’s and Don’ts for each tendency:


For more information, check out Gretchen’s website where you can find out a lot more about the framework, or her book “The Four Tendencies”.

Leave a comment below to let us know which is your dominant tendency!

To your success,

Caroline ❤